Temporary
by samJAY
Summary: Just like everything else, it was always temporary. Post Rescue.


Temporary.  
Law and Order: SVU.  
Post rescue.  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Do you think I would have done that to Olivia?

* * *

"It was always **temporary."**

Elliot's words from earlier that day echoed around her head.

It had been three hours since ACS came hurdling into the squad room and pulled her heart apart.

Three hours since they took Calvin.

Olivia knew he was right, she knew Calvin had to be let go of one day, but she never dreamed that it would be like it was.

She was going to find his father, another family member, someone who he belonged to, and he would go. It would be quiet, sad and hard but it would be right.

Instead she got intrusive, devastating and almost impossible, not to mention about a thousand different types of wrong.

And she couldn't do a thing about it.

Because it was always **temporary**. 

It had been three hours since they pulled her heart apart.

Three hours, 15 missed calls, 7 text messages and 0 replies.

And 1 knock on her door.

"Liv?" Elliot whispered tentatively, "please answer the door Olivia."

_Olivia_. It hurt her to hear her name spoken like that. Soft and loving and loaded.

She knew that he was standing at her door dressed down in jeans and his grey sweatshirt, cradling a 6 pack that they probably wouldn't drink. She also knew that for the first time she wanted him to see her cry and for him to be there, like he had always tried to be, until their pride had got in the way.

Not tonight though, she was too wounded to be prideful.

She got up and made her way to the door, slowly opening it to see him standing there, in denim and fleece, just like she had predicted. Although it wasn't beer he was cradling, it was Eli.

"Elliot..?" she choked out, tears already threatening to fall. "I..why..I can't..Eli?"

In one swift move Elliot had closed the door behind him, placed his sleeping son on the couch and turned around and engulfed his partner in his arms. Holding her while she shook violently, he tried to buffer the sobs that wretched her body.

And then he felt it.

He felt the despair and the heartache she had tried so hard to keep in over the years. Then he felt the hope and happiness that Calvin had given her, only to have it leave with him. And in its place, was the same insecurity that he had tried so hard to convince her otherwise. '_She did not deserve happiness. And whatever she was given, just like everything else, was only __**temporary**__._' 

It had been 12 hours since they pulled her heart apart. She remembered numbly driving home, sitting on her couch and staring into space. This wasn't like her. She usually got angry, not introverted. But she never had cared for a child before either. Not like she had Calvin. Lunches, drawings for her fridge, play fights and watching him interact with Elliot. It was like she was given everything she had ever wanted. And she knew it wasn't going to last, but she wasn't prepared for how it ended either.

She remembered Elliot, and Eli and being held while she cried. Somewhere between sobbing and trying to convince Elliot, (and herself), that she was fine, she must have fallen asleep because she was now in her bed, still clothed from the day before.

As she continued to think about where Calvin may be, a timid knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts. "El?" she questioned, slightly shocked at the fact he was still here, "you didn't have to stay." But it wasn't Elliot who peaked his head into her bedroom but rather three year old Eli Stabler. "Livia", he whispered, "Daddy made pancakes, d'you want pancakes Livia?". Olivia couldn't help but smile at the young boy, who obviously having been told to be as quiet as he could, still couldn't suppress his excitement that his Daddy had made them pancakes. "Sure, baby, tell him I'll be out in a moment."

Walking out into her living room, she had to contain her laughter at the scene in her kitchen.

It was obvious, with the amount of flour on the bench, floor and her partner, that Eli had tried to help with breakfast. Elliot turned to look at her, with a sheepish grin. "Sorry about your kitchen Liv, I'll clean it after we eat. But come and sit?". He raised his voice at the end, asking her, almost begging her not to turn and run, because he knew that along with grief, she was now feeling embarrassed for the previous night. They both wish she didn't but they also both weren't stupid. They knew how she operated. But she sat beside him with a sheepish grin to match his own. "Thank you El. For everything. For being here and for staying, and for bringing Eli. I don't know exactly why you both being here this morning helps, but it does".

Elliot looked into her brown eyes, which were downcast from their usual fire. "It helps because it shows you that anything is possible, even when you think it isn't. You deserve happiness Olivia and you deserve a child, whether that be your own or…" He paused, seeing her eyes tear up. "..one that you rescue. Or one who rescues you". She looked away, not able to handle hearing him say the words Calvin had spoke to her only a day ago. "I know we all said it was only for the time being Liv, but if it's meant to be, you'll get him back. If you're the right person for him, he will be with you. Anyone will be able to see that. Anyone."

Olivia smiled sadly, and noticed Calvin's drawing of her out of the corner of her eye.

'Calvin _Benson_'.

"Yeah" she agreed, allowing a slightly more hopeful smile to appear on her lips. "Maybe this separation is like everything else. Maybe it's **temporary**".

FIN.


End file.
